Clear Blue Morning
So.
After publishing my last post (Hey Girl) I realized I probably should have offered a little background information...or a slight intro for some cushioning. It's a lot to just slap new blog readers with a piece like that and not offer much of an explanation--though I did promise I'd get to that later...
Anyway, this is the intro I provided on the FB, so I figured it was good enough to paste here too. Apologies to those people who found themselves here through this FB post...Just skip ahead! I give you permission 😜
The FB intro to Hey Girl:
I spent some time writing in my journal last night. It was great. I've only recently started journaling again and it's helped so much to just get my jumbled thoughts on paper.
After publishing my last post (Hey Girl) I realized I probably should have offered a little background information...or a slight intro for some cushioning. It's a lot to just slap new blog readers with a piece like that and not offer much of an explanation--though I did promise I'd get to that later...
Anyway, this is the intro I provided on the FB, so I figured it was good enough to paste here too. Apologies to those people who found themselves here through this FB post...Just skip ahead! I give you permission 😜
The FB intro to Hey Girl:
I spent some time writing in my journal last night. It was great. I've only recently started journaling again and it's helped so much to just get my jumbled thoughts on paper.
So this was my thought last night: During times when I feel I am gracefully holding my head above water--when I can see things clearly, and everything is sparkly and bright--I should probably provide my future "lost" self with a roadmap back to center. Like a doomsday prepper who stores away 50 lbs. of hard tac and gallons of distilled water in the back closet...I needed to prepare while I had the resources. So, I began writing something I could read to myself during tough times--you know, when it feels like the world is crumbling.
Then I thought: What would I say to my younger self who didn't even realize she was drowning? What would I say to someone who doesn't even recognize she's lost? How difficult it would be for her to find her own roadmap...let alone, figure out how to use it. So, that's how [Hey Girl] happened. It has evolved from my original journal entry...but I think that's ok. I've decided it's better to share the message (the roadmap) out, than hide it away for myself on a stormy day.
So, there's your basic background information. However, there really is lot more that I didn't throw out on the FB...I wanted to save it for this space.
The biggest thing I wanted get out there is this :
I live with depression.
(*gasp!*😮😉)
Though I have not exactly kept this a secret, particularly amongst close friends/family, it still feels both terrifying and liberating to type it out so publicly.
Yes, I am on medication. Yes, I still struggle...
But it is not who I am.
I am still Elise: a 31 year old who loves laughing, running through the woods, spending time with family and friends, curling up in soft blankets, and sipping on craft beer or a quality cup of coffee. I am also many other things...
And yet, there's no denying depression is a part of me.
Hey Girl truly is inspired by that vortex of depression--though I also feel it could be a reference to any oppressive/controlling force we struggle to liberate ourselves from. As stated before, at this point, I have learned to identify it, call it out, and stare it down...The key, now, is to leave myself that trail of breadcrumbs so I can always find my way back. Working on it.
With all of this said, I do not intend for this blog to be depression-centered. This is not "my life with depression", and I am not its poster-child. My life is (and I am) so much more than that...
But I will not avoid the topic either. I'm tired of avoiding it...just sweeping it under the rug. All avoidance does is give depression the power, and leaves those impacted feeling lonely and detached. Therefore, I will talk about it as it comes up and is relevant in my day-to-day life.
As I close out for today, I am going to leave you the lyrics from the song Light of a Clear Blue Morning, written and performed by Dolly Parton (of all people...haha!). A cover of the song by The Wailin' Jennys came on while I was prepping some crockpot chili this morning, and it just seemed like the perfect expression of hope and resilience. I really wanted to share it here.
Enjoy, and thanks for listening :)
Compliments of good old google.com :
It's been a long dark night
And I've been a waitin' for the morning
It's been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I've been looking for the sunshine
'Cause I ain't seen it in so long
But everything's gonna work out just fine
Everything's gonna be all right
That's been all wrong
And I've been a waitin' for the morning
It's been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I've been looking for the sunshine
'Cause I ain't seen it in so long
But everything's gonna work out just fine
Everything's gonna be all right
That's been all wrong
'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay
It's been a long long time
Since I've known the taste of freedom
And those clinging vines
That had me bound, well I don't need 'em
Since I've known the taste of freedom
And those clinging vines
That had me bound, well I don't need 'em
'Cause I am strong and I can prove it
And I got my dreams to see me through
It's just a mountain, I can move it
And with faith enough there's nothing I can't do
And I got my dreams to see me through
It's just a mountain, I can move it
And with faith enough there's nothing I can't do
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