A Heart-to-Heart

Ah Valentines Day...

So, it hit me last week that this would be my first "single" Valentines Day in about 9 years (No sympathy needed here...Just stating facts).

 Now, I know what many of you are thinking:
 Eh, Valentines Day is dumb, anyway.  Who gives a pigeon's toe??!
(That's how the saying goes, yeah?)

Wellll...yes.  You're right.  Valentine's Day can just be another day.  And it can also be celebrated in a number of ways-- from Galentine's Day to Palentines's Day to just a big old celebration of love.  This is one thing I appreciate about it. I dig love.

However, there really is no way around the fact that Valentines Day can also be a reminder of relationships and loves of the past...or, lack thereof in a person's current life.  Naturally, this Valentine's Day did open my eyes a bit to the other side.  You know, that side that can make a person roll their eyes at the sight of big bright hearts and the thought of mushy Valentines Day plans...   


I will admit, in my non-single past, I have looked at this side and have thought, 'Valentines Day is about LOVE!  No need for bitterness!!'.  Now I look back at my former self and think, 'Elise, put down your heart sprinkles for a second...Let the people feel how they feel!'.  I know I have only dipped half a toe into this world through this recent Valentines Day, but those feelings definitely surfaced.  As Valentines Day inched closer, I felt myself begin to fear...maybe dread?... the looming heart-stamped holiday.  I tried to avoid thinking about it, but, because Valentines Day decorations are whipped out the moment New Years decorations are put away, it was a little tough.

The night before the day (Valentine's Eve), I  started to recognize how much anxiety was building for me over this silly day.  So, I decided to sit myself down for a pep talk.  Lately when I've been feeling stuck or in a rut, I've been trying to do this thing (mental exercise?) where I think of myself as a friend.  I try to imagine the advice I would give to a friend in my situation.  Then, I give this same advice back to myself.  Not rocket science, and it's a work in progress, but I think it has helped me be kinder to myself, and has helped me find a way out when it doesn't feel like a way out exists. [**Side bar: I do talk to actual people too 😆 (and did during this situation as well) !  They are also a super helpful and supportive and I appreciate them so so very much!! I am just working on being that voice for myself as well 😊].  Anyway, this time, the pep talk went something like this:

Elise...calm down.  This is one day.  It will come and go.  In the end, it will be whatever you make it. 

So I decided, in that moment, that I was going to make the day enjoyable.  I was going to make valentines for my students; I was going to go for a run after school; I was going to wish my friends and family a happy valentines day; I was going to have a great time at trivia that night; and I was going to let myself eat all the chocolate I felt like eating the entire day.

Well, the actual day came around, and, guess what?!  You're right...It really wasn't so bad.
Yeah, of course I gave myself a few moments to engage in self-pity and Valentines bitterness.  I had to!  But I was able to feel it, acknowledge it, and move forward.  I'm still not exactly sure what I was so anxious about.  An emotional meltdown? Being alone on the day?  Maybe I was just scared to have my past face my present in such a contrasting way.  That change is a tough thing to confront.  It's even tougher to be ok with the difference.

I know there are many people out there who have lost love (of all kinds), or maybe don't feel like they ever had it to begin with.  And I understand that one self pep-talk doesn't always do the trick.  Holidays and other momentous occasions are rough when they remind us of someone or something we have lost...Sometimes we just have to feel how we feel and let ourselves sit in it for a while: cry it out for an evening with a bottle of champagne and a sappy Netflix movie.

Although, if I'm being honest, I am glad I could revisit this other side of Valentines Day.  It was a good reminder that this other side exists.  And it was good for me to push through the negativity to find a way to be ok.  I'm fairly certain this won't be the last time I find myself in a similar position.  We probably all find ourselves in this space at one point or other.

But, really...we all know love is so much more than a day.  It's more than Russel Stover chocolates, fancy dinners,  and Shoebox cards.  Furthermore, I think we all know that the love we give/receive in this life does not just come from one special person, or come in one particular form.  We all do our fair share of loving each other every single day.  I suppose that is really what it's all about.  However, I'm realizing more and more, in addition to the love we give to others, we need to remember to reserve some for ourselves.  And loving ourselves often means being at peace with how we are, who we are, and what we are feeling in a moment.

So, however you spent this past Valentines Day, I hope you loved and felt loved.  If you happened to find yourself on the other side, feeling sad, bitter, and like you want to run through the nearest drug store and knock all the boxes of chocolates off the shelves...that's ok too.  At the end of the day, I just hope you were able to be alright with where you are, and love yourself in spite of it all.